


Shreks and the City

by DumpyGrimbos2



Category: Shrek (Movies), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Drama & Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:35:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25557448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumpyGrimbos2/pseuds/DumpyGrimbos2
Summary: Sonic's detour to Far Far Away may endanger more than just Shrek's swamp.
Relationships: Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog, Shrek (Shrek)/Sonic the Hedgehog
Kudos: 3





	Shreks and the City

Birds were chirping outside the Staryubucks, where Spyro and his boyfriend Vector were enjoying lattes. Spyro’s latte was a triple upside down caramel mocha affogado style with slow poured shots with two pumps of mocha and four pumps of caramel, his favorite flavor, which was topped with extra whipped cream and caramel drizzle and steamed lightly to only 135 degrees. Vector, meanwhile, liked things dirty, a dirty Chai Tea latte with peppermint added, no whipped cream, half milk, half almond milk, with a mocha drizzle on top, which he liked almost as much as Spyro on top. Vector took a long, sultry sip of his spicy latte, making eye contact with his purple scaly dom.  
But Spyro knew that what his big green crocodile bitch wanted more that that spicy tea was that spicy tea. But he wasn’t going to give his little slut what he wanted right away, of course.  
“So, my chartreuse sugar, have you heard the latest on the hedgehogs?” Spyro mused, twirling his mug before taking loud, slow slurp on his drink, spilling not a single drop on his scarf.  
“I HAVEN’T, SPYROOOE” Vector screamed, propelling large amounts of spicy chai saliva out of his long, sharp snoot, which had a bite force of 3,700 pounds for square inch but no bitch force opening, so it was perfect for being tied shut.  
“Oooooooooooooh, well Vector dearest, it would seem that Sonic and Shadow are a bit at odds right now…”  
“YOU MEAN THEY AIN’T FOCKINN ANYMORE??!”  
“Oh so you haven’t heard? Sonic has another man now, and he’s very green.”

***

Sonic pulled his robe close around his cold blue fur, the skin beneath also turning blue in the brisk but humid air. He glanced behind him to the bed, where Shrek lit a cigarette. Shrek had never been with another man before, and his greenness showed, and boy was he fucking green. Sonic closely inspected his toes for green goo before slipping on his socks. Sonic may have decided to visit his side hoe in the swamps of Far Far Away, but no matter how far he was he knew he could be back in bed with Shadow in no time.  
“Sorry to leave so soon, my dear, but you know what they say: you gotta cum fast and you gotta go fast!”  
“Ooh I see how it is, ye’ think ye’ can just cum into me swamp, have me yank on yer tadger cause ye’ be gantin for mah slick ogre booty, then jus slink off inta the noight like some wee ghost.” But it was too late, just as quickly as the blue blur had cum, he had disappeared into the night, leaving Shrek alone with only his cigarette which went out from the wind caused by Sonic blasting the fuck off.  
But by the time Sonic had returned to his apartment in City Escape City, Shadow was already awake!  
“You’re late” Shadow grumbled emotionlessly, setting the omelets down on the table with his pink lacey oven mitts.  
“Hah, well you know Shadow, its never too early for a morning run!” Sonic laughed like an asshole, while kicking off his shoes across the room and eating both omelets at the speed of sound before Shadow could sit down to eat.  
“You know how much I love our morning races, Sonic!” Shadow growled, his voice a rumble. Shadow blushed, he hated admitting to his fiancé Sonic that he liked him.  
“Heh, well you know what they Shadow, if you snooze, you lose!”  
Shadow glared back silently, taking out the third omelet he made just in case Sonic ate all of them again. Shadow didn’t even set the plate down, he just ate standing up, worried Sonic might still have room for another. He took a bite, it was cold.  
“Sonic you know we can’t keep doing this, when I proposed to you we were supposed to only go fast together from that day on!”  
Sonic quickly poured himself a shot with amazing speed, completely ignoring Shadow’s pleas. As Sonic downed his morning Fireball – the 23rd morning Fireball in a row – Shadow looked down at Sonic’s toes and spotted a speck of green Ogre goo.  
“NANI THE FUCK is that?!” Shadow exclaimed, dropping the rest of his cold omelet on the floor. Before it had even hit the floor, Sonic had eaten it.  
“What, this?” Sonic laughed, as bits of egg flew out of his mouth onto Shadow’s distraught face and dipped his finger into the still warm green liquid.  
Shadow shook his head, tears coming to his red eyes, “This is just like what happened with Knuckles all over again.”  
“Can you blame me, Shadow, have you SEEN Knuckles’s ass?” Sonic continued to laugh, “or how fucking green Shrek is?”  
“I can’t believe this, I should never have trusted you after the first, second, or third times you cheated on me!” cried Shadow, his stomach growling.  
Shadow clapped his own cheeks, “That’s it Sonic, this is the last straw, get out and never come back!”  
“C’mon, Shadow stop being so lame all the time!” Sonic shouted from across the room with his back to Shadow as he slipped off his socks and threw them on top of Shadow’s crochet basket.  
“I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!” Shadow screamed, while whipping out a Glock and waving it wildly at Sonic.  
Somehow already having poured himself another shot, Sonic exclaimed “This party’s lame, I’m outta here!”  
And as soon as he came, Sonic was gone, leaving behind only the broken pieces of the last five years of Shadow’s life. A single tear rolled down Shadow’s dark cheek as he picked up the framed photo of Sonic and him with the president and stared out the empty front door which Sonic didn’t bother to close behind him. This was almost as sad as that time Maria died. He decided to make another omelet and opened the fridge, only to find that there were no eggs left. Enraged by Sonic’s betrayal and theft of his eggs, Shadow swore to never make another omelet as long as he lived.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,
> 
> This is a parody fic made by my girlfriend and I, while drunk, alternating every line. It's a lot of fun to do together, but I can't guarantee that there will be any uploads soon if this is something you enjoy. It is something we want to revist though!


End file.
